Understanding Engineers

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Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking
across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great
bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday, minding my
own business, when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly
and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."



Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half
full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as
big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for
fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know,
but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong
with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind fire fighters.

They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going
to contact my ophthalmologist colleague
and see if there's anything he can do
for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play
at night?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between
mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and
civil engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five

Three engineering students were
gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had
to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't
broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't
broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.



Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one
day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and
put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with
you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss
me and turn me back into a Princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do
ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out,
smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess and that I'll stay with you
for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an
engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now
that's cool."