So last monday night was the last night of the F/TV 20 - Introduction to Filmmaking class in De Anza College that I have been attending for the last 12 weeks. As expected, since it's the last day, it's the day where everyone shows their film.
Wow, was I blown away by everyone's works. This is an intro film class, and yet I see my classmates films, are full of bright ideas and brave attempts and excellent acting that forgive whatever rough quality the film have. There's a funny one about a doll which chases its owner who threw it away, there's a slapstick comedy about poker players who cheated and fought with each other, there's also another sitcom-ish story about a couple who's getting married, but one of them has a dark side, there's a sci-fi time loop story, there's even a code monkey video adaptation, and lastly a film about how an old man spends his time waiting for his wife to finish his bathroom that would perhaps make Godard or Hou Hsiau Sien or Yasuziro Ozu proud.
The best one, however goes to the story about a parent who's trying to kill a clone of his daughter, that story is very ambitious sci-fi drama for a short film. The production value was high too, it uses real actors and they could even film in downtown San Francisco and CalTrain. Wow, the only complain I have about it would be that it would be so much better if it's longer.
but what did I have to show for the night? The same old zombie flick. Yep, the now 3 years old flick since I couldn't shoot anything in the past few weeks. It's truly depressing.
Watching my classmates' films made me feel depressed. To be fair, my instructor actually singled out my film and praised its coverage. However, for me that thing is 3 years old and since then, I haven't made anything substantial. Sure my zombie flick might look "good", but my classmates' film made me feel much creatively inferior. I had always told myself to prioritize creativity above production values. But the thing is 1 reason why I haven't made anything for the past few years is because I'm so afraid of poor looking film. It's really the ultimate irony.
But besides that I also have problem (that also applies to other aspects of life besides filmmaking, e.g blogging?) getting motivated, committed and organized. I have been having some ideas kicking around and yet I'm so lazy/afraid of writing them down. My lack of social skills is also not getting me any new friends, let alone actors.
So what now? I don't know. Part of me, after watching my classmates' work and thinking of my weaknesses above, I got scared and I think I might just give up my dream of becoming a filmmaker. But another part of me knows that it's just fear and another obstacle, that is big, but has to be overcome and it won't be the last one too (parents, realities of life, etc). Besides, instead of being fearful, I should thank my classmates for reminding me again what it meant to be creative (even that zombie flick was once conceived out of a creative urge of making a good adaptation of Resident Evil). So yeah, I will not give up my filmmaking dreams. In fact, I don't want to hide in the closet anymore (no, not That closet), and I seriously want to be a film director, or at least seriously attempt it. This maybe my first open public announcement about this and to anyone who read this, please hold it back to me in the future if I, for whatever reason, still hasn't made it yet.
So what's next?
Immediately:
The Roomies (tentative title) - A "The Office" knock-off about the life of my friends who live in the same apartment. It was originally suggested by Kasim (who played the zombie) and I hope to have some complete scripts by end of October when everyone is back in states.
Untitled project - The indonesian embassy here is holding an amateur film festival to celebrate the Indonesian Independence Day. Deadline is July 21 and winner will be announced Aug 17. I still don't know what to do and not even sure if this project can be done given that I couldn't even make my last project.
So with that I say adieu. Btw, this weekend, watch Live Free or Die Hard
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment